Seeing the Flowers

Now that I made a list of each step down into the valley that is 2025 for the Cains, it is only fair to share how the Lord used each step to build our strength.

One day at dinner my best friends and I were talking about how everyone has a different size “plate of life.” I always try to think about this when I am overwhelmed, or see others becoming overwhelmed. We all have different plates. Our plates are all different sizes. Some people become overwhelmed with very small inconveniences. In this particular season of life, we can’t handle much. Our plates are small. It is fine. We all have different plate sizes. I like to think that I am constantly holding a tray of plates. One massive tray, holding plates FULL. Multiple plates.

Coach Cain is actually right next to me carrying all of the weight. He is the strength carrying my plates of life. Every single step down into the valley, Coach was there to handle it all. My biggest flex in life, I married the best human ever.

As for each event that has happened that ended with, “It’s fine, it’s just money, we still have our health!” I can’t even explain how big of a blessing Two Hidden Gems and this corner of the field of online social marketing has been. Truly. I would go to sleep each night saying, “Thank you Lord, for Two Hidden Gems.” It’s a mental break and a creative outlet. It is a circle of friends that are true gems. Brandi is the best person to have in my corner in every step. Two Hidden Gems has been a gift.

New head coach? Just to be real life. We are staying on staff. Coach Cain was able to go to his admin that he feels very supported by and they were the ones he said, “My wife has breast cancer.” for the first time out loud. We know this admin team knows our family by name. We know they know our children. We know they are praying for us daily. Could you imagine if he was at a new school for this chapter? When you teach, you become family with your building. God kept him with his school family for what will likely be a really hard season. THANK YOU, LORD.

I didn’t get the job. I have said this two million times in the last month: Can you imagine if I DID get that job? A new school? First week of meeting a new school and I had to say, “Oh, at the beginning of the year I will be doing 6 rounds of chemo.” Ummmmmm…. Thank you, Lord for going before me and knowing where I needed to be during this season. At the Castle. With my Castle family. A new job, all new expectations, and chemo? Carley. God is SO SO SO good.

I’ll be doing chemo but while this is going on, Brittany Campbell is down the hall to ensure my children are taken care of at all times. I’ll be doing chemo, but my team knows my lesson plans are ready and secure. I’ll be doing chemo, but my whole work family is there. I’ll be doing chemo, but my baby will be having his first school experience in a school where my best friend is the AP. I’ll be doing chemo, but my children have their family surrounding them during the day.

He goes before us. He knows what we don’t.

In the coaching life, this April-June is full of big changes. God placed us where we needed to be for a season of cancer. My best friends are down the road. My house is newly updated and cozier than ever. Our church is our happy place. I have the closest group of friends that my children feel safe with that I know I can call at any moment. I have the closest group of friends that show up daily just to sit on the porch with me at any moment. Our neighbors are literally the best. My gym, whew, my gym friends are sent from Heaven for this very season.

New team teacher. Augs knew my every move. She knew reading and writing were taken care of fully. I knew math and science were secure. We trust each other. I have a new team teacher. Her husband coaches with my husband. I can’t even put into words how this all worked. It is like God handed me something that I needed for a season of chaos to ensure I still have that trust. I know my school babies are going to be very well taken care of each day. It has been the absolute perfect fit.

God is so good.

Cancer has been a real doozie. But my doctors are all pure joy. LITERALLY, the BEST. I feel so so so confident in every choice they make, every decision they make, every change that has been presented, I feel good. God handed me the best team.

Sure, each step deeper in the valley has been so so hard. However, with each step we have seen God’s hand perfectly guiding us.

See the flowers, friend. God is planting them. They even grow in the valley.

A Valley. A Really Deep Valley.

I made a list in my phone one day and handed it to Coach and he said, '“Everyone’s life isn’t this insane? Just us?” We both laughed until I started crying. Honestly, friends: 2025 has been rough from the very start. But, God.

I feel comfortable sharing it now because I want everyone to know that we LITERALLY ONLY saw God’s hand in each step. (Our family had a LOT going on in their lives as well. However, I am only comfortable sharing OUR home. So while all of this was happening, we also had BIG prayers for family.)

I will start with the elephant in the room: We had a head coach change. If you’re not in the coaching life: Head coach changes often mean moves, school changes, interviews, selling houses, new everything. Coach and I prayed daily for God’s pick for the program. This could mean LOTS of changes for us. However, God’s plan.

The program hired a true blessing to our family. (I say this with Coach’s permission) Coach Cain (and Mrs. CC) have found the fire for football again. This football program is so close to our hearts. We LOVE our system and our schools SO SO much. Coach Cain’s heart has found football peace.

On January 1st, I had to have a new window in my Yukon. $500. No worries. Just money. We have our health.

February 1st: Our dog had some health issues. $2500. No worries. Just money. We have our health.

February 15th: Yukon needed work. $600. No worries. Just money. We have our health. God gave us some amazing church friends that we can call and they can literally save us from the side of the road and they are the most knowledgable car people EVER. We feel safe and confident when we send them our cars. God is so good! No worries. Just money. We have our health.

February-March: My favorite leader in the whole entire world/ my person/ my friend/ the person I want to grow up to be….. announces she is going to a different position. My principal that has been a TRUE blessing to my life, is leaving. You want to celebrate for your friends when they accomplish something, but MORE change? For someone who is fairly good with change, (Real Life Coach’s Wife Life) I just stressed and prayed my way through a new football coach. My heart hurts. I LOVE every minute of working with her.

Our new principal, a dream. A coach’s wife. I tell her I hope she is ready to fully embrace the job of my personal mentor, I require lots of pep talks and “life is going to be ok, Cain” reminders. God provided HIS best fit for the job. Sure, she has to run a school, but she has to be my life coach. (I say this kidding, not at all kidding.)

March: Coach’s truck has issues. God gave us amazing friends. They fix the truck. No worries. Just money. We have our health.

April: I asked Coach to change the bulb in my closet light one Friday morning. He takes the globe down, and sees it is FULL of water. Well, that is terrifying. We call our handyman. He fixes it with a $600 bandaid. He tells us we need a new roof. No worries. Just money. We have our health.

My BEST TEACHER BESTIE/ TEAM TEACHER applies for a new position. It is the perfect position for her. It is her literal dream, but requires her moving schools. I instantly start praying for God’s plan. She totally deserves this job. There is not a better person. BUT, I really don’t want any more change. Selfishly, I need her to stay. I need ONE small spot of comfort next year. Come on, I embrace change. I just don’t want to have to embrace every single part of my life changing. (God is really working right here. He is really telling me to lean on him.)

She gets the job. She is absolutely perfect for the job. I am so so so happy for her. I am so so so terrified for me. But, God.

End of April: The weather hits 95* It is HOT. We are at the beach and our house sitter turns on the AC. It doesn’t cool. We come home. We call a repair company. We need a new AC unit. No worries. Just money. We have our health.

May: I haven’t talked about this out loud, yet. If you are reading this, I didn’t chicken out and really decided to share my full faith.

I applied for a new job. I felt God telling me to apply. I prayed about it. I felt all of the pulls from God. I was really trying to be obedient. I had a list of reasons WHY I wanted the job. I had an even list of why I DIDN’T want the job. I got an interview. The principal would be an actual dream to work with, and in all honesty, she would grow me in a way I want. I found myself waking up crying. I found myself terrified if I did get it. I was clinging to scripture and praying, “If I felt so pulled to apply, and I feel so good abut my interview…. WHY do I feel terrified about this? God wants me to feel peace. He wants me to feel OK.” I will admit: THIS moment was when I fully found God. I applied because I felt God’s push. I learned SO SO SO much in this three weeks. I can’t put in to words how I was feeling. I kept looking back on how God’s plan is truly the BEST plan. I was reflecting on how beautiful God’s plan has been for our tiny family. It has always been perfect.

I didn’t get the job. For some reason, I only felt relief. I couldn’t put my finger on the feeling. I read scripture that night as I cried so hard because I was so confused: “ For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God, I promise. I am being faithful. I promise. I am at peace with whatever the plan is. I fully trust you. But I need a minute to chill. Please. The Cains need a break.

One week later, I was told I had breast cancer.

May 2025

There is a trend going around where we call May “May-cember” and “Mayhem.” May is the new December when it comes to hustle and bustle and all of the end of the year things that must be done to wrap up another school year. This year was no exception. We just added one more factor: breast cancer.

April 11th I found a lump on my left breast. In true Carley mindset, I thought I was doing too many attempted pull ups and pulled something. However, I called my doctor on Monday morning. I went in to be seen on Wednesday afternoon. I assumed it was nothing, probably a lump from too much caffeine consumption. I honestly was very calm about it. My doctor is amazing and sent me for a mammogram. On May 5th, I went in for a mammogram. After the procedure, they sent me to a room for a doctor to come share the results and concerns with me. She walked in and said, “You will need a biopsy. What we see is alarming and needs more tests. Our office will call you to schedule that. Bye.” I said, “Well, I do drink a lot of caffeine. It could be that, right?” She replies, “It could be cancer. So we need a better look.”

Ok. Well.

I go home around 5pm, and around 6pm, my doctor called me on his way out of the hospital. He saw my scans uploaded and wanted to check on me. He said, “I have a doctor I highly recommend. I want you to see him for your biopsy. We are not stressing yet.”

I still felt very calm. Again, probably caffeine.

May 6th, my phone rings. It was the surgeon’s office to schedule the biopsy. “Hi. Can you come in on May 22nd?”

Absolutely. Again, not stressed.

An hour later, my phone rings again. It was my doctor. “Hey. I don’t like how far away that is. Can you come up here tomorrow? We are going to get you here soon.”

Sure. Again, just caffeine.

Surgeon’s office calls again, “Mrs. Cain. We have an opening tomorrow at 1. Can you come for a biopsy?”

Yes. Just caffeine.

Coach Cain actually had jury duty. I was actually a little stressed that he couldn’t go with me. He calls at 11am, and said he was dismissed. I worked half a day and met him at the house at noon. We left for the doctor. I remember thinking, “I really hate for him to come with me to an appointment where they tell me it is from drinking too much caffeine.”

The surgeon walks in. Instantly, I have a great vibe. In three minutes we talk about how he was a quarterback in college. (At the college Coach Cain was headed to play college football before breaking his leg. Which side note: He had to break his leg to stay in Athens to start dating the most stubborn human ever. Me.) He told me his PA is the boss, really, because she is is wife. Love that. I feel like Coach Cain and I could totally be a surgical dream team from all of our ER/ Grey’s knowledge.

Again, super calm. I even say, “I drink a lot of caffeine. I’m sure it is that.”

“Well, let’s look.”

He is doing all of the things. We are chatting. I have my eyes closed tight. My hands are over my eyes. Coach and the doctor are chatting about the importance of the OL. I casually say, “Ok, so what do you think this lump is.”

“Mrs. Cain. I like to be real life. (love that.) I like to give it straight. This is breast cancer.”

Then we started the 45 daily phone calls. The 34398 appointments. The 934203 scans. The 903473907 phone calls from doctors being added to the team and giving their input.

Somehow it feels like it was a year ago. It has been one whole month.

The plan has changed slightly. We have three steps. We may get to skip one step. However, after sending scans and labs to two of the top cancer doctors in the country, we are going to remove the mass Monday. Then within the week, doctors will stage the cancer, determine the next steps needed from that. I will have a full double mastectomy and full reconstruction AFTER the middle step is confirmed.

I feel so so so confident in this plan. My biggest concern is I need to disrupt my children’s lives as little as possible. I need my house to run as it normally does. I need my children to NOT have this as a core memory. I have voiced that. You can have your opinions about that. My house being as normal as possible, Coach coaching and not missing things, family vacations and memories being NORMAL, that is what keeps me sane and not spiraling into depression. If I am being real life: I was struggling having to walk away from my classroom for 5 appointments and scans during the last two weeks of school. (Augs had to literally pick up each and every piece for BOTH of our classrooms. God gave me a true gem in that team teacher of mine.) Every team member has said, “Mentally, you have to keep living life like you do. That will keep you from depression.”

So that is what I am doing.

My family has been amazing. Friends have called, text, and sent cards. My eyes water when I see it. I try really hard to respond to everyone in the exact moment. That has been the struggle. If you text, thank you. I promise I read them all. The best thing ever, is the prayers.

Season Prep

It’s the last week of February. Spring Break is next month. Then Spring Football. Then Summer Football. Then Football Season. (All proper nouns. Major life events.)

Right now I see Coach at the dinner table MOST nights. (Some booster meetings and bus driving nights have been on the calendar lately.) If I am being honest, football season is not on my mind. I am also a teacher so ensuring I have hit every standard and I am testing season ready is really the center of most thoughts. Also, I have been a tad selfish in the major life changes this year. I feel like every time I turn around I am faced with a new change. It’s fine. I’m fine.

I was asked the other day what advice I could give to a coach’s wife NOW. I thought about it and it has been on my mind since: Start season prepping now.

How?

Book the sitter.

In the summer, I have a sitter booked every Thursday that we are home. (Not on vacation.) Start tucking away and saving money each pay check to pay for this sitter. The plan: enjoy a child free 2 hours every Thursday evening before we hit football season full speed.

We are walking distance from our favorite dinner spots, so we like to get the children ready for bed, let the sitter show up, and then walk to dinner. Or go walk around Academy and Target. Or go see a movie. Or go to a friend’s front porch. Or drive the golf cart around town and talk about… football.

Friends, plan the time together NOW. Prepare for time together NOW.

It makes my heart break every football season that I see wives reaching out for advice on “How do I not resent my coaching husband during the season?” and the “How do you spend time together in the season?”

You plan ahead. You book the plans now. You make the time together before the season starts. Summer is my favorite because our schedules are more flexible. I don’t have to go to work on Fridays. We plan our summer date nights on Thursdays so that our weekends are saved for family time.

Let’s recap the game plan: Today you are going to find that babysitter. You will sit down with your coach and see what day works best for a standing date on the calendar. You will start saving the cash to fund the dates now. You will communicate with the babysitter to go ahead and schedule the dates. (Yes, we are months away. I know) Then when the summer arrives, along with relaxed schedules and pool floating: You have time booked with your coach before the chaos.

You know football season will be here in a flash: prepare for time together NOW.

I am cheering for you!

Leaving the Classroom

I’m not.

At this very moment, I don’t ever want to. I will add a disclaimer that I am fully aware that I am currently at the BEST school system, a part of the BEST school, and I have THE MOST AMAZING groups. I am also VERY blessed with the BEST admin team. I know this really adds to the emotions. Just hear me out.

This weekend I was reading about a teacher that left the classroom. She said she was tired about being more worried about other people’s children that her own at home.

That really hit my heart. (Probably because I was reading this while holding my sick baby and slightly stressed about my classroom.)

I’m not.

I’m not tired of being worried about other children and their academic/ social/ emotional success. I actually LOVE it. It brings my heart full of pure joy. It is my purpose.

I fully believe it is my purpose to worry about Calla and Cart as well as your babies.

God gave me Calla and Cart and my students.

I fully believe it is my God given talent to sit with your child and read books, laugh about a silly game, and teach them how to elaborate on the evidence they provided for an opinion essay on students owning cell phones.

I’m not.

I’m not going to worry less about my own children. I am not going to worry less about my students.

I am going to do both.

I am going to fulfill my purpose as a public school teacher, AND a mother to two beautiful babies.

I’m not going to give up one title because I feel like I can do both.

I support you doing whatever you need to do in life. Please just don’t think that teachers are caring or doing less for one group than the other.

We’re not.

We’re doing both.

If you are doing both, I see you. I love you. I am praying for you, friend.

People Pleaser

Reminder: We are here to be real life.

I am a recovering people pleaser. I once found my worth by how many people I could convince I was a “good person.”

I spent 2024 finding my own peace with this. I am comfortable knowing I can’t and won’t ever be able to please everyone. I am not always a great person.

Then on the 5th day of 2025, I was hit with some truth. (This post has sat in drafts for 20 days. I wasn’t going to post it. Then today in my daily reading I was given 3 different “nudges” to post.)

I recently found myself going straight to Coach to vent about people. “They really drive me crazy when they do this……” “This really upset me! Why did they do that!” “I can’t even with blahblahblah.” “They drive me crazy!” “I hate when this person does this to me. WHY are they like that?”

I was reading in my chair this morning when I read, “I command these things of you, that you may love one another. If the world hates you, you know that it has hated me before it hated you.”

2024 Carley would instantly be all, “Yeah! God loves me. I should only please God! If they don’t like me, they really have deep down issues with themselves!”

2025 Carley…. was hearing loud and clear… people aren’t here to please you! You are here to love them. If someone upsets you, what’s the difference that if you upset them? If you don’t like someone, Carley…. this is actually an issue with YOU! NOT THEM.

I was once a people pleaser, but now I find myself rolling my eyes when people don’t do things that please me. How awful?!

So I am going to be more mindful when I walk into a situation where I can easily vent about someone or some situation. I am trying to be more, “I’m not here to please people, and people aren’t here to please me.”

I have LOVED this daily study and devotion I am working through. One of the big reasons I decided to pull this particular post out of the drafts was this: “Instead of our first reaction being to label her based on what she is doing right now, let’s pray for her based on what she’s probably facing right now.” -Lysa TerKeurst

I also happened to flip through my journal and two seconds later saw this from January 2nd.

Loud. And. Clear.